I'm back! I apologize to my faithful subscribers for somewhat "dropping off the map," especially after my "blogiversary" announcement, but blogging certainly went down on the list of life priorities for a while. However, I'm looking forward to getting back to a regular blogging schedule!
How can someone so young still have so many regrets? That's a question that I have been asking myself lately. It's not like I'm eighty years old and have had a mountain of time on this planet. I haven't done terrible things, or committed criminal acts, or tried to ruin anyone's life. So what do I have to regret?
Well, when I look back on my life up to this point, I can think of the moments where I was truly living life for others and with them, enjoying every second of it, and walking close to God. Those moments far outshine all else, yet they are bittersweet because they are tinged with the regret that I didn't push myself to search for more of them.
When I really think about it, my regrets are more about what I have not done than what I have done.
Yes, I regret the wrong things I have done, and especially the things that brought down those who were closest to me. But what I regret the most is not taking one moment to smile at someone, to stop and give a little sister a hug, to pray for someone who is hurting. I regret bustling on my way like I have more urgent things to do, and I regret the fact that most of the time, those kind actions never even crossed my mind. I regret that I was too lazy to look for them because we all know that good deeds don't just fall right into your lap, that most of the time it's in that extra mile, that one thing that you really don't want to do, where grace and beauty and light and Christ is found.
And then I wonder, what would the world look like if we all lived looking for ways to take time for the things that matter?
That's why I think that God has been showing me that regrets can actually be a very good thing. If we had no sense of regret, would we ever try to do anything different? Regrets are an evidence of God's Holy Spirit, working in our hearts and causing us to long to be more like him.
We know if we are struggling against darkness, then that is a sign that God is placing that will and desire within us! This battle we face on earth, this struggle for good, this constant fight against evil, this constant longing in our hearts for everything to be made right again...that all originates from the very nature of God.
We have to make a choice: either to suffer and live full of self-pity, or to use the mistakes that we made in the past as motivation to turn us toward godliness. As 2 Corinthians 7:10 says, "For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death."
In the end, then, what matters is how our regrets affect us. Do they change the way we live?