I still remember rocking to and fro in a tiny rocking chair, immersed in my Beginner's Bible. I would read for hours, devouring story after story. And I remember going to church: singing Away in a Manger for a Christmas program, eating snacks and coloring in Sunday School, playing on the church playground, and seeing people get baptized.
By age four, I was no longer just reading a Beginner’s Bible - I was reading the Bible right along with my family during our devotions. Later, I even memorized large portions of Scripture and studied the Bible intensively, winning awards in a local Bible Bee.
Despite being constantly surrounded by godly churches, living in a strong Christian family, going on mission trips, and watching others boldly proclaim the gospel, my heart was not in the right place. Sure, I owned the faith for myself and professed to be a Christian. But when it came to living like a true follower of Christ, I was far from it.
“But this people has a stubborn and rebellious heart; they have turned aside and gone away.”
- Jeremiah 5:23
As I got older, I drifted more and more from the faith, despite the godly influences in my life. I decided to follow my own path. I still read the Bible, but I was just going through the motions without true devotion. I did not live in a way that showed I was a Christian. I started falling into sinful habits and rebelled against what I had been taught.
At first, every time I did the wrong thing, I would feel incredibly guilty. But I would keep on sinning anyway, and gradually it affected me less and less. Outwardly, I seemed to be a very nice, talented person, who was godly and kind; but inwardly, my heart was full of sin and I was disrespectful to my parents at home. Soon, I didn’t even read my Bible. I would get up late, fall asleep again while I held my Bible in my lap or read books while I was supposed to be doing devotions.
Before I knew it, my life was crumbling apart. I got into my teen years and struggled with lying and deceit. I was disrespectful to my parents and only cared about myself. I felt like my life was a fake, and my parents called me out for it. Several times they almost took the matter to our church elders. They lovingly rebuked me for saying I was a Christian but not really living that way.
Throughout all of my unfaithfulness, I still felt God gently calling me back to him. Occasionally, I heard sermons that temporarily jolted me out of my apathy. Sometimes I would read verses, Christian books, or teaching that scared me. Finally, I got so tired of the way that I was living. I confessed many things to my parents, and started trying to live a life of true repentance.
So how did I finally escape a lifestyle of unfaithfulness to God? I realized that no matter how hard I tried to be "good," I could never truly follow God. He had to give me a new heart. And that's what He did. God gave me a heart to know him and return to him, like the following verse says!
“I will give them a heart to know that I am the Lord, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart.” - Jeremiah 24:7
God has done so many things for me. Both my parents have been in car wrecks where they should have died. Even my dog was hit by a car. Yet the Lord graciously answered my prayers, and allowed them all to return to full health! He has been so gracious to me, faithfully calling me back to Him even when I strayed like a sheep from the fold. That is why this verse is at the core of my salvation:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."
- Jeremiah 31:3
God delivered me from the yoke of sin to the yoke of Christ - which is easy and light. Most precious of all, God sent His beloved Son to die on the cross for my sins and take the wrath of God that I deserved. Then He rose from the dead in victory, and now lives forever!
Now my one desire is to live for Him, serve Him, and tell everyone about Him!
This is my story - He has loved me with an everlasting love.