From the time our family left suburbia when I was four and moved to a small town east of Castle Rock, I've had a deep affection for all things country. Memories come flooding back...rolling fields of golden grass waving in a prairie wind, the silhouette of a rustic barn against a gorgeous sunset; or the sudden bang of the screen door at the ancient town library with the peeling white paint. Nothing can make me happy like the brisk tattoo of hoof beats on a dirt road, the leathery smell of a tack shed, or fresh cut wood for the fireplace with a hint of chainsaw oil on it.
There, on five open acres, settled in a sleepy town, I found my passion for horses.
No, we never owned any - but our neighbor Mary had six, plenty to spark the excitement of a little girl. I was four years old when I had my first ride on a large, gentle mare - coincidentally, named Gracie. Tired of riding in slow circles around the round pen, I ended up urging her into a gallop. When I began to slip, I leaned to the side and clutched the metal bars of the round pen, sliding off! My only disappointment was the hesitancy of everyone else to let me get back on immediately.
(Photos courtesy of my dad. Like my boots?)
(Look how tiny I am!)
Frequently, I would trot behind my brother, whom Mary paid to do chores at her barn, watching and interacting with the enormous animals that filled me with awe. Other times, I amused myself by climbing and tumbling down a 30-foot stack of hay bales, wandering through a pasture full of grazing horses, or gaping at all the horses at the Douglas County Fair.
Needless to say, my natural love for horses deepened into an unbreakable affection, rooted in the depths of my soul.
However, a new chapter in my life began when our family moved back to the inner city along with some close friends, feeling called to ministry there. I was heartbroken, but because of the excitement of moving and remodeling our new house, the feeling didn't fully sink in until we had lived in the city for a few months. Busy traffic only feet from our front door replaced the long gravel driveway connected to a cul-de-sac at the end of a quiet dirt road. Alleys lined with dumpsters replaced expansive fields of open space behind our large house.
But worst of all, the horses were gone. Heartsick for what I felt was my real home, I had dreams almost every night where I would sadly wander through the empty rooms of our old house. Then I would wake up with the sinking realization that I was still living in the city.
The saying certainly rings true - "You can take a girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of a girl!"
For years I wrestled with frustration, and totally rejected where God had led our family - but my obsession of horses didn't die. Far from it! I was starving inside for lack of horse time, and hungrily devoured any horse magazine I could get my hands on. I covered the walls of my room with horse posters and daydreamed about riding. Apart from the very occasional visit to a ranch or the National Western Stock Show, I remained horseless, restless, and very discontent.
The turning point didn't come suddenly, but was a gradual turning of my heart to the LORD. He began to bring me near to Him through His Word, and I started to understand that only in His presence is there fullness of joy. Praise God! He gave me a hunger and thirst for righteousness, and a longing to be close to Him.
Gradually, I became less focused on riding horses and instead sought after the things of God. He truly changed me - I even took down my horse posters and replaced them with Scripture verses. I sincerely began to delight myself in the LORD.
Some time after I finally began to let go of my obsession for horses, a family from our church who lived in Fort Collins invited me to ride their horses. It was a joyful experience, and from there, my involvement in riding slowly increased. A friend from our church took me out to ride her horse, Harley (featured in the pictures). I rode him occasionally, and got extra time to ride when she went out of town. At the beginning of this year, I was further blessed by the opportunity to lease Harley for a period of time every month.
I can now see many blessings that resulted from our move to the city. If it weren't for the LORD's grace, I most likely would have continued in my selfish ways and not sought His presence. I can think of countless people I wouldn't have met, opportunities I never would have had, and experiences I would have totally missed if it weren't for our move.
Psalm 37:3-4 says, "Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
I am overwhelmingly blessed that the LORD drew me near to Himself, and then gave me the desires of my heart. Once I gave my life to Him, He brought me joy through opportunities to ride horses.
This does not mean that if we just read the Bible and follow God, He will magically give us everything we want. Instead, it shows how much God loves us and is the rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him.
He knows about every little thing that brings us joy!
So do I still love horses? Absolutely! However, the LORD is teaching me to delight myself in Him. Most importantly, I must purpose to keep Him first above all things.
The psalm continues in verse 5: "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act... The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way... Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off." - Psalm 37:5,23,34
Along with David, the writer of Psalm 37, I'd encourage you to commit your way to God.
Trust Him, and wait for His timing!
He will surely bless you, for "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." - James 1:17
